UGH... To expand on Sonic the Hedgehog's hand, I swear I told myself after his re-raise to $30 that he was on tilt (and you have to admit Charles, you were, after some ugly hands prior to our little soire), and I can't let him push me off KK. I remember thinking if he's got AA, he can have my chips. I mean sheesh... we only play about 10 hands of Hold'Em an hour. Whoever says online poker is rigged would have changed their tune last night.
So I played pretty well all night up to then, made one questionable call with a low only (am I the only one that does that?) and then semi-tilted the rest of my chips away when The Mad Chinaman reraised to $60 preflop in O8. Pretty sure he's got AA-low-X, but I've got ace-busters, and I know he'll get it all in with me after the flop. I call with QJ89, double suited, one of which was clubs. Flop is K86, 2 clubs. We get it all in. At this point, I'm a little skeptical because John calls too, but I made the right read on Mike, and knew I was favored to beat the aces. Turn is a Jack, so I actually have the best hand with 2 pair. Of course, King pairs the board, giving The Mad Chinaman Aces-up, and I have to hitchhike home.
Two nights, and down a tidy sum. Unfortunately, I have to call it quits from you crazy wacko psychos for a few weeks after those two nights, because we don't want to play with the rent money. Or the beer money. Or the hockey ticket money.
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You should go ahead and play with the beer money. Just do what I do: When Dave calls my $700 pre-flop all-in with 7-2os and sucks out on me, I stuff a duffel bag with all the alcohol, office supplies and computer equipment I can get my hands on. Hey Dave, ever wonder where your Tia Maria, stapler and laptop went? Yep, that's right...
Rick
Now there’s a rhetorical question! Since you mention it…
As Judas Iscariot, you were the ringleader in a plot to kill my only begotten Son. Very uncool - I’ve had my eye on you ever since.
As Attila, you drove your band of Huns throughout Europe, decimating anything and everything in your path. I didn’t dub you my “Scourge” for nothing, you little twit.
As Adolf Hitler, you were responsible for the mass genocide of over six million Jews. Horrific enough in itself, but what really creeped me out was that freaky-ass mustache of yours. What was up with that!
As Jeffrey Dahmer, it wasn’t enough that you simply killed a bunch of guys. Noooo, you had to go and eat them too. Dude, that is like, so gross!
As John Hinckley Jr., you attempted to assassinate one of the most beloved presidents of all time, sending an entire nation into a state of shock and disbelief. And all to get the attention of a twelve-year old whore. No wait; make that an actress playing a twelve-year old whore – that’s even worse! What’s funny is that the world thinks you’re still alive and in prison, but you, me and a few guys from the CIA know better, now don’t we…?
These are just a few highlights, I didn’t even mention some of the really bad things you did throughout the centuries, like causing the bubonic plague, being the first slave owner, and inventing the Karaoke machine. IMHO, the occasional cold deck or bad beat is a small price to pay for your past sins. In the immortal words of my good buddy Confucius (that’s right, we hang) - kwitcherbitchin!
Sincerely, God
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