Rick's Laws of Omaha

Everyone knows Murphy’s Law. Though I’ve seen it worded in several different ways, the basic adage states that “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” Most card players, especially those who play Omaha, will tell you that Murphy was an optimist. With the spirit of Edward Murphy in mind, I submit my own Laws of Omaha:

Law #1 - Don’t bet without the nuts.
The phrase should be tattooed into the forearms of all Omaha players as a constant reminder. This law becomes painfully obvious to anyone who has played the game for more than, oh, ten minutes. Luckily for my creditors, it remains the most widely-broken law in the game.

Law #2 - If you flop the nuts, you are about to lose a lot of money.
Boy is this a fact. The chances of two bricks coming are about the same as Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson showing up at my door offering to pay me to complete their fantasy threesome. Hang on a sec; I think I hear the doorbell…

Law #3 - If you turn the nuts, you’re probably drawing dead.
Okay, I’m back (damned Mormons!). If you happen to get lucky and hit your card on the turn, you’ll save money in the long run by just tossing your hand directly into the muck.

Law #4 - Don’t even think about bluffing.
Sheriff Buford T. Justice from the great state of Texas might say “Oh, you can think about it, but dooooon’t do it.” I say don’t even think about it. Most Omaha players, by nature, are not capable of laying down a hand. If you bet your busted flush draw, I guarantee someone will call $300 hoping his “live seven” is good for low, and will scoop the high also with his pocket nines.

Law #5 - If you have the nuts on the river, congratulations – you’re about to get quartered.
While this law is most often associated with the nut low, it’s also applicable to boats and straights as well. A good rule of thumb: If you have it, so does someone else.

Law #6 - If you flop a straight or flush, the turn will pair the board.
Every time….every time…

Law #7 - If you flop top set, the turn card will complete a straight, flush, or both.
Every time. The last time I flopped top set and actually had it hold up, Alaska and Hawaii were still territories.

Law #7a – If you flop top set and the turn pairs the board, you’re about to lose a big pot to quads.
You’ve been waiting patiently all night, you’ve finally got the top boat, and players are actually giving you action! You think you’re “walking the dog,” but trust me, the dog is walking you. That idiot who just called your large flop bet with bottom set is about to take your entire stack.

Law #8 – If you flop nut low draw, the turn and river will be face cards.
Guaranteed. You have A-2-3-6 with a flop of 4-5-10, and you make the rookie mistake of liking your hand. Well, my friend, prepare to be confronted with more paint than at a Sherwin-Williams superstore, making you wonder who slipped in the pinochle deck when you weren’t looking.

Law #9 - If you happen to hit your straight or flush card on the turn, there is a 100% chance the board will pair on the river (see Law #3).
In my opinion there is no sicker feeling than, after a night of being sucked out on time and time again, finally hitting a turn card yourself, only to have the #$^%* dealer immediately afterwards turn up someone else’s nut card. As I like to say: “One good turn deserves a river.”

Law #10 - If you flop middle set, you’re drawing to one out.
And if you’ve been paying attention, this is a good thing (see law #7a) – you’re a lock!

Law #11 – If you hold A-2, you will flop two-pair.
This is a certainty. Once the flop comes, your once-promising low hand becomes trash, and your now-crappy high hand has less chance of winning than Pauly Shore at the Oscars.

Law #12 – If you hit your card on the river, you can’t get sucked out on.
While this law universally applies to all poker games, it especially holds true in Omaha. Several times each session I hear a player beg the dealer to “flop him the nuts.” I usually say “Give him his wish, flop him the nuts but river me the nuts!”

By following these basic guidelines, you will soon find yourself getting much more enjoyment out of your Omaha game. To recap, avoid betting whenever possible – you will probably never see those chips again. Fold often, especially to a bet by me (remember, I only bet the nuts and I never bluff…). Lastly, try your best not to have anything until the river; then at least you’ll have a chance to win half the pot….

See ya at the tables…
Rick